Hey guy’s
So this post I felt like I need to strip it back and go down
to my roots and talk to you guys about something I don’t really talk about any that’s
my depression!
Have to bear with me as I never talk about this as I sort of
feel a bit ashamed buy it? If you get what I mean.
I have suffered with depression since I was the young age of
13 at the time I was at secondary school enjoying life really and then I don’t really
know what happened I kind of hit rock bottom and couldn’t pick myself up out of
it! I mean we all have our bad days right?
So from the young age I have been dealing with emotions I didn’t
really understand and just been a bit of an emotional wreck.
Many of you may or may not know I left school at 14 this was
partly to do with my depression and partly to do with being ill. From the age
of 12 I pretty much lived in the doctors with little things like ear infections
chest infections and sinusitis. I was put on medication by the doctor and had
nothing but trouble I had constant blood test and then found out my liver wasn’t
in an amazing condition so I was battling that as well so this made me feel
even more depressed.
At 15 I discovered the women who brought me up (my aunt) had
cancer and they couldn’t treat it! Her wish was to die at home so we had
everything put into place so she could be looked after at home! I stepped up
and cared for her every day while everyone was at work. The hospital gave her a
week to live after she left hospital but she lived 8! She was with us to plan
our Christmas and wrap all presents and unfortunately died on the 15th
December! From then on I was lost I couldn’t
work out which way was up (if you get what I mean?) I didn’t feel I had a
purpose I didn’t have anything to stick around for! I will be honest and I will
admit I tried to take me life a few times. I won’t go into how or why but I had
given up on myself.
As time moved in I wasn’t improving so eventually the
doctors offered me medication so I went on it from 16/17 up until November last
year! Shortly after coming off the
medication my Nan was taken ill and was in hospital. It was only supposed to be
a short term stay, turned into us unfortunately losing her in January this year.
Even though times were tough I struggled through and can say
I still haven’t gone back on medication! Yes I have bad day (more than I have
good) but I have learnt that you have to cherish every moment you have and
enjoy what you have! Happiness isn’t given to you, you have to find it and work
for it!
So here I am 21 and looking at life in a whole new view the
depression hasn’t gone away, I just don’t let it control me anymore!
Kirstie-x